Ok I’ve fallen for this man. Desperately. It happened when I least expected it. Hit me like a truck out of nowhere. Knocked me out of my breath.
I had forgotten how glorious this feels. How you can’t believe the universe conjured up this amazing human for you. This adorable, honorable, ruggedly handsome man who makes your legs crumble beneath you. He is suddenly everything. The way his eyes twinkle when he smiles at your door. His goodbye kisses that never end. His playfulness. His vulnerabilities. That intense look he has on his face when he’s deep in thought. His stories. His youthful excitement about comic book superheroes. His sacrifice of that very same youth for the sake of his beloved son. That scar near his left eye from his past. Those scars on his soul from his past.
I had forgotten how painful this feels. My stomach is constantly in the pits. I have non-stop anxiety. I feel powerless. Without control. Like a derailed train. I can all but put one step in front of other because of fear of losing him now. All I can think of is “When can I see him again?” He is like the drug. I am the addict craving for my next hit. I can’t analyze anymore. Cause I can’t afford to draw painful conclusions about his behavior. I don’t wanna hear any of it. I am completely, unrevocably in love with him. I hate it so much.
And of course the hot tattooed woman from his past has to show up right at this moment.
*glares at the universe*
- Please don’t post shirtless mirror selfies.
- In fact, please don’t post mirror selfies at all. When we don’t have much to go on other than your profile in the initial stages, mirror selfies basically tell us two things: i) You are likely too much into your looks. ii) You probably don’t have any friends who would take a picture of you.
- Same goes for gym selfies. We appreciate when you take care of your body. Not so much when that’s all you do/think about.
- Ghost all you want if you are not into us. We do it all the time too. But please don’t lead us on for a week before doing that. That’s just a dick move. In most cases, you should be able to figure out if you find a person attractive in under ten texts.
- If you are proud of your nature-given height for some reason by all means put that on your profile. Just know that it is a potential turn off for a quality woman who may not be on the taller side. Your loss.
- Posting a picture with an attractive blonde does not make you come across as in demand and more attractive. For us, that’s basically a red flag.
- We definitely don’t mind splitting the check or even paying for the whole dinner. Just know that deep down we appreciate chivalry and are judging you for not even offering to pay. Do the damn check dance, for heaven’s sake.
- Please respect our time and effort and take it offline as soon as possible. Nobody wants a textlationship.
- Go ahead and sext if the girl initiates it. Just keep it classy.
- Bumble takes the effort of the initial hello away from you. That is fine. We know how nerve wracking it can be to approach a girl. But please do your part in guiding the conversation/ asking us out after our initial hello. Making us do all the work just makes you seem lazy/dull. Your move, fucker.
- Please mind your grammar and write like an adult. Your is not the same as you’re.
- Humor and intelligence can take you a long way. So can warmth, honesty and decisiveness.
- Make sure the interactions are not mostly one sided. A great relationship is one where the back and forth is balanced.
- Write SOMETHING on your profile. Give us at least Education and Employment. Pretty will only take you so far.
- Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable once in a while. Sometimes that is more attractive than the cool aloof persona you present to the world.
Most of all, know that we are glad you exist. Excellent cuddles at frequent intervals are what makes us thrive after all:)