Giddy and scared. 

It was 1 am. The lights of the night sky filtered through my window onto my bed. It was March, but Winter and Spring had yet to make up their minds about which one of them was on that night. The air was cold, but it was cozy under my covers. I had to wake up at 4:45 the next morning. But I did not care one bit. I was happy, peaceful, content, as I lay on my side, my back against his chest, my head resting on his arm. He held me tight, his fingers absently running across my bare skin. He had just put on his favorite Selena song on iTunes. The one he used to listen to with his brother growing up. He pushed my hair behind my ears. I don’t remember what he was talking about. But I do remember that he frequently paused, to plant tender kisses on the back of my neck, my cheek, my forehead. I smiled with each one, my eyes closed, my soul warm.

Then he sang along.

“Dreaming all tonight…
Till tomorrow and for all of my life
And there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly..”

His voice was broken, soft, almost breathy. As if he was whispering a promise. Like the ones he had done earlier in the evening.

“Will you marry me?” He had asked.

I had nodded fervently, through tears.  How could I not? How could I not give this wonderful man and his son all the love in the world? They had been through so much. I have always thought of myself as having an infinite capacity for love. And they deserved every bit of it. “I will move anywhere, with you”, he had said. “It will be you, me and E from here on forever.”
It was perfect.

The kind of perfect that made me giddy and scared at the same time. ‘Cause I knew it was not going to be this way always. I knew there was most likely going to be a lot of hurt in our future.  But I did not want to think about all that for now.

‘Cause for now, my heart was doing cartwheels.

A Sky Full of Stars

Yellow was the first Coldplay song she had ever heard. It was early on in their relationship.  They were both nineteen at the time, sitting at their favorite steps on campus one night after dinner. It was before she had opened up to him completely. She was introverted like that when she first met someone. Once she knew you for a while though, she would talk your ear off.  For now, he was doing all the talking. She racked her brains trying to think of something witty to say.  Nope. Nothing. Just awkward silence. She mentally cursed herself. Why couldn’t she think of anything to say like a normal person?! Aaarghh! And then he did the most unexpected thing.

He broke into song.

“Look at the stars…”, he sang, “….look how they shine for you…” Her heart swelled. She sang along. She smiled, knowing then that she had found something special. It was a magical night.

Years later, one cold February in Chicago, she found out that Coldplay was playing at Soldier Field the next summer. She was ecstatic. This was before S had made it to America. And his prospects were not looking good. She bought two tickets anyway, as his birthday gift. She knew in her heart of hearts he would be there by July.

She was right.  He made it. Only, she had broken up with him in March.

She had planned to sell the tickets, but her mother convinced her to go at the last minute. It was a beautiful night. Coldplay provided Xylobands during their concerts to everyone. Millions of glow bracelets that lit up with the songs. It was indeed a Sky Full of Stars. She is certain it was magical. Only she wouldn’t know. She was back at the steps the whole time.